It could have been worse

It could have been worse. I know that seems hard to believe but it is true. The logical part of me that refuses to feel things keeps telling me to hang on tightly to my faith; and to be thankful for so many things. To explain the thankful part, I should back up and say that this was no typical suicide. It was actually an implusive action during a heated argument with his girlfriend. So in a sense, the crime scene should be labeled that of a criminal domestic violence nature. They had a rocky relationship to say the least. But I will forever be grateful that he only took his life and not hers. I don’t think I could have handled knowing he had done that to another person. It would have compounded my guilt by a million I’m sure. As much as I hate that he left her to deal with the memory and the mess; I am also grateful that he didn’t do it here at our home. I know that sounds very selfish but please understand that he has a 14 yr old brother and it would have compounded his pain. He chose her car instead of his own; again, selfishly I am grateful. I heard no evil, I saw no evil; I am making great efforts to speak no evil. The case was opened, investigated, and closed by the time the coroner was on my doorstep. Everything wrapped up, so to speak, to make for an extraordinarily painful Christmas day.

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