When a person dies, invariably skeletons come out of the closet. We all have secrets. After my dad died, as we went through his things, it sent me into a panic about what I didn’t want people to find after I leave this world. I came home and shredded every journal I had ever written.
Today, I went through Zachary’s closet and I found some skeletons. Some literal . . .
Some metaphoric and my self-esteem took a major jolt. I cannot believe the things I found. I am not comfortable sharing the other items nor the writings he left behind. But I want to say out loud that I must be up for the worst mother of the year award. How in the hell did my child have so much going on in his world that I didn’t know about. I was only down the hall. I am shocked, angry, and somewhat hurt. However, knowing him as only a mother can; it does give me more evidence that he did not leave home that night intending to die. If he had planned a suicide, he would have cleaned out his closet. It had to be an accident or a total impulse action influenced by the argument he was having at the time. He would never have left such things to be found by his mom, his dad, his baby brother or his sisters.
Zachary: I hope you saw me clean out that closet and I also hope you saw me give your baby brother your tv and xbox. If you didn’t want him to have them you should have stuck around. I am angry at you today. I wish I could see you to kick your ass. Since I can’t do that, I hope you saw me throw away all your empty boxes since I know how much it meant to you to keep the box from everything you ever had. Mom
Zachary, Forever 21 
The Segram’s bottle came from my house and it was empty when I gave it to him, just so you know. You throwing away his empty boxes makes me kinda sad. Zachary always, like his Mamaw, wanted to keep the box everything came in so we could put the item back in it’s box one day, to store away. I believe Stephen has the same quirk so you need to give him the box for the Xbox. Now, about the clean-up. I would like to throw out all the things you don’t want to find when I am gone but don’t think I can; I love my stuff. Don’t know if I will be advised that my time is near and therefore need to ditch all my treasures. My plan is this; get Megan to clean out my house. She won’t care what she finds; she has dug through most of it already. Love you, Mom
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The bottle wasn’t a skeleton. He was of legal drinking age. Empty boxes serve no purpose. It made me sad to see you change my childhood home after my dad died but you live there and I don’t. So you had to do what works for you. I have to do what works for me.
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My post was just my thoughts, not a reprimand. Sorry. Mom.
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Melissa, I have no idea what you found, but if you want to talk just give me a call. I think we all have skeletons some just bigger than others. It does make me think do I want my child to see some of my skeletons.?
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