I have been in your room all day, cleaning and rearranging things. I examined each item carefully; trying to decide whether it was one of your true treasures or just something meaningless bought on a whim. The smell of you lingers in the room and on everything. I laughed at some of your “toys”, I cried over some of your pictures. I tried so hard to remember where every single thing came from. Did I buy it? Was it a gift? Did you buy it? The level of items that I can not identify is overwhelming. I need to consult with a computer nerd and a musical nerd. And what is with the huge bag of cords??? They are tangled so tightly that I gave up hope and threw them back in the bag. In some insane place in my heart and soul, I thought if I cleaned your room that maybe you would come home to it. If your spirit is able to visit me please stop by — I need to see your beautiful face, hear the whisper of your voice in my ear, feel your presence wrap around me. I miss you more than I can put into words. The pain is unbearable without you in my world. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and undo those final moments. I am lost and immobilized by my grief. I feel like a train that has derailed. I cannot move forward, nor backward, I can not figure out how to get back up on the tracks. Everyday feels like an eternity but then again it seems I saw you only yesterday. The gaping hole in heart cannot be filled.