Yesterday marked 5 months without my son. Everyday feels harder and harder. I am drowning slowly; every once in a while I can surface and manage a gulp of air but then I get dragged back under water. It always feels like my lungs will burst from being under but then I surface again just in time to survive. I just miss my boy so much. I want to hug him; I want to hear his voice. I want people to understand that I am still his mother and he my son. I want people to understand that forever I am changed and I cannot go back to who I was before.