Some people plan their families and some people have their families without planning. Both of my boys were surprises and by far they were the best surprises in my life. I never dreamed that a tragic surprise would snatch my oldest boy away from me. Death took him far away and left a hole in my heart. It has left me in helicopter mommy mode regarding my youngest son. I am so terribly afraid that death will snatch him away too. I can only imagine that it isn’t fun for him to be hovered over. Internally, I also hover over the girls even though they are all legally adults. I worry about being widowed. I worry about anything and everything being snatched away without warning. It is consuming and overwhelming my entire life. I don’t sleep well at night and when sleep finally comes, I can’t wake till late morning. Then it is a struggle to physically get out of my bed. I do not like this new life I have been handed. But it is what it is and I do my best to carry on.
Zachary~I wish I could see you on stage again. The community theatre of Mr. Ragland’s vision has finally come to fruition and I know you would have been involved. I hate that you are not here to be a part of it. I hope I can find the strength to go see, what I am sure will be spectacular, plays there but I don’t know since it will remind me of the thespian I love most and you are not here anymore. I miss you more everyday. I will hold your memory in my heart for my lifetime and I can only pray that one day I will somehow see you again. I don’t know how heaven works but surely I will recognize your beautiful soul. Love, Mom