Surprises

Some people plan their families and some people have their families without planning. Both of my boys were surprises and by far they were the best surprises in my life. I never dreamed that a tragic surprise would snatch my oldest boy away from me. Death took him far away and left a hole in my heart. It has left me in helicopter mommy mode regarding my youngest son. I am so terribly afraid that death will snatch him away too. I can only imagine that it isn’t fun for him to be hovered over. Internally, I also hover over the girls even though they are all legally adults. I worry about being widowed. I worry about anything and everything being snatched away without warning. It is consuming and overwhelming my entire life. I don’t sleep well at night and when sleep finally comes, I can’t wake till late morning. Then it is a struggle to physically get out of my bed. I do not like this new life I have been handed. But it is what it is and I do my best to carry on.

Zachary~I wish I could see you on stage again. The community theatre of Mr. Ragland’s vision has finally come to fruition and I know you would have been involved. I hate that you are not here to be a part of it. I hope I can find the strength to go see, what I am sure will be spectacular, plays there but I don’t know since it will remind me of the thespian I love most and you are not here anymore. I miss you more everyday. I will hold your memory in my heart for my lifetime and I can only pray that one day I will somehow see you again. I don’t know how heaven works but surely I will recognize your beautiful soul. Love, Mom

 

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