It has been brought to my attention by multiple persons that I am not doing “better” even though it has been nearly 8 months since Zachary left my world. The definition of the word better:

adjective: partly or fully recovered from illness, injury, or mental stress; less unwell.

verb: improve on or surpass (an existing or previous level or achievement).

No, I am not better; nor am I getting better. I will never fully recover from this tragedy and I certainly do not see anything in my world improving from the loss of my child. At some point, hopefully I will learn to cope, or manage my grief. It has ONLY been 8 months! Hopefully, I will learn to live in this new world where a vital piece of me is missing. That point has not come yet and I don’t see it looming anywhere in my near future. Grief has no time clock; the sand doesn’t run out; it is not an absolute that can be quantified in any manner. Grief just is. It will be with me always. The intensity may fluctuate, but it will remain forever. I will not apologize for my tears, my angry outbursts or any other grief behavior. This is a time in my life that I will find out who really loves me unconditionally and who was just interested in the person I was before this tragedy struck. To those who have moved on and made peace; I am thankful and I do not condemn you for finding joy without him. I only ask that others not condemn me for not moving on yet; for not finding joy or peace without him.

Forever Zachary’s Mom.


8 responses to “Better

  1. Melissa, as I told you this weekend, “No one ever gets better from losing someone. To get better would imply that there has been an improvement. One’s life does not improve because you have lost a loved one. Thus, it is ridiculous to expect one to get better. We don’t ever get better from losing someone. We simply survive it.” I love you with all of my heart and I am here for you through the darkest of times. I was here before and I will be here after. I love you for everything you are and everything you aren’t. I love you for everything you have been and everything you can no longer be. I love you because despite what you might think right now, you are a survivor. Call me sweet girl any time, day or night.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melissa, you may grieve as long as you need to, in any way you need to and I will understand. If I were to lose you, as you lost Zachary, I would grieve for the rest of my days. Nothing would console me, nothing would improve me or make me better.

    For you, I call upon the Lord to ease your pain, give you strength and hold you up while you grieve. Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    I call upon your husband to be your earthly rock and stand strong with you, even when he can’t understand. Psalm 18:2 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

    I call upon each of your children to be your rod and your staff, to love you and support you no matter where they are in their own walk with grief. Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

    I call on your friends to walk with you and light your path. Psalm 18:28 “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

    There will never come a day that your loss will be forgotten but, I promise you, there will come a day when the intensity of your pain will decrease and your ability to function in this life, without Zachary, will increase. But, for now, just take one day at a time, one tear at a time and keep your faith. I love you, now and always. Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love and Prayers Melissa. Please email me a mailing address for you. I have something special I want to mail to you. Prayers forever, Marti (Martha) Oliveer


  4. We are at the 15 month mark. There is no “better,” just learning to breathe in each day. Give yourself all the time you need to cope and learn to live with your grief. This is no right way, no limit, no finality to grieving a piece of yourself being taken away. Wishing you peaceful days.

    Liked by 1 person

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