How do we celebrate that?

I am bitter. I am fulled to the top with bitterness. I cannot help it. I am overcome with self-pity. I am overwhelmed with heartbreak. I am not the person I used to be. I am forever changed and seemingly not for the better. As Zachary’s birthday inches closer, the pain is sharpening. He should be here. 21 was too young to end a life. I saw Christmas trees on display at a store the other day. I wanted to vomit. How will Christmas ever be the same? Every Christmas will now be the anniversary of the 4 hours of our son missing and then the Coroner on the doorstep. How do we celebrate that?

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2 responses to “How do we celebrate that?

  1. I can’t imagine that Christmas will ever again be a day for you to enjoy. If possible, what many bereaved parents seem to do is to completely change their traditions and go away somewhere. Obviously, you can never escape completely, but perhaps you could take a trip to some new place that is not loaded with all of the terrible triggers.

    I’m not sure at what point we get to start enjoying the earlier (pre-death) happy memories, but I’m guessing it will be quite a while.

    Liked by 1 person

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