Here’s to 2015

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This describes both Zachary and myself. Zachary was destroyed. I don’t know exactly how or why that night last Christmas was the final blow but he was destroyed. Some days I feel destroyed; other days merely wounded. Both are painful, however, I am surviving. I may never fully thrive again but I am still putting one foot in front of the other. For 2015, I have set too many lofty goals and I know I won’t reach half of them but if I can just focus on something, anything, it somehow makes life bearable. I can’t say that the pain has abated over the last year. I have learned to function with the pain. The piercing sharpness of the grief has not grown dull. I have learned to take that sharp pain and let it propel me into determination to be productive. I just keep telling myself that I am a survivor, a fighter; I don’t quit and I don’t back down. I am broken beyond anything I could have ever imagined but the pieces of me are still here waiting for me to figure out how to put it back together. I may never get it all put back together but I really don’t care. Whatever I manage to do, no matter how small, is a miracle in my book. To all the bereaved parents everywhere, we have survived 2014; let’s survive 2015~any way we can, one moment at a time.

Peace and Love,

Melissa

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5 responses to “Here’s to 2015

  1. Melissa, thank you for this. Yes, those rare individuals are often destroyed either by society or by themselves. I have rebloged this on my site if you don’t mind. I wish you whatever peace you can eke out in the coming new year.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hello Melissa. I admire your determination to set yourself some goals for 2015. I hope that you get to achieve them. I totally understand your statement about being broken but still having the pieces there to do something with. It’s a good analogy – I sometimes feel as though those pieces are all scrambled with no clear markings to help me put them back together. I wish you some semblance of peace for 2015.

    Like

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