Tangible and Intangible

I made the decision that I am now strong enough to let go of some of Zachary’s things. Tangible objects that were his earthly treasures. He is now in Heaven with his Heavenly treasures and he is not in need of any of his worldly possessions. I can let go of some items or maybe even all of them. They are only tangible items that brought him joy in the moment. By letting go of these items it doesn’t mean letting go of him. I will forever have the intangibles. I can never “give away” my memories of, my feelings for, nor my connection to Zachary. These intangibles are eternal. I know everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time, and it is not a necessarily a match to my timeline. When other family members are hurt or confused about my actions of letting the tangible items go; it leaves me pained and confused. I don’t know if I should wait for them to “catch up” to where I am or just proceed and hope they can come to terms with it. Anyone farther along in this painful journey that has an opinion or is willing to share what you did or didn’t do; I would love to hear from you. This painful journey doesn’t come with directions, I am just bumbling along the path trying to do my best.

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3 responses to “Tangible and Intangible

  1. The intangible possessions are what keeps me moving. Do not worry of what others say. I gave a lot of Richie’s things away before the funeral. They were items that were special to others more than me. I did not need a concert tshirt that he got but his friend who went with him needed it more. I have a far greater gift from my son than I can ever give away and that is the memories he gave me and the little secrets we have. I pray for you my friend. there is no road map for us to follow. We will all bumble along together! I am here at any time! mrsjschell@gmail.com Much love and prayers, Belinda

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  2. I just had this conversation with my daughter regarding some of her sister’s belongings that I passed on to a friend. She was so upset with me but at the same time I have things saved that my daughter wants but she doesn’t take home to her house. I think I have reached a point where I can’t handle anymore guilt about what I did or did not do. It’s just so hard and pressure from my surviving children only makes me feel more guilt. Of course, we all want to keep everything but my husband and I are planning retirement, and it may not be possible to move everything to a smaller home. I am just trying to be selective in what we choose to keep and what we will pass on. My daughter lives in my thoughts and in my heart forever. I am so so sorry for your loss. Mary

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  3. Do the best you can, listen to your instinct, and filter out the opinions of others. It’s difficult enough living with such loss and isolation. You’re doing impossibly hard work here, letting go. I’ve cleaned my son’s room out only once in eight years, and let go of certain tangibles. Dust keeps covering what is left–which is equally sad. Do those with opinions, and who don’t know, ever think about that? The dust on things that you look at everyday? What I did, and you might consider: photographing some things, so if needed, you can see the memories again, while letting go… I hope this helps a little. Peace, friend.

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