That’s how I feel, disconnected. Do you remember connect the dots pictures from your childhood? You connected the dots in numerical order to draw a picture. I cannot seem to connect the dots in my world. My dot to dot feels like a massive scatter plot that will never make a picture. Hard as I try to make the connections, it just isn’t working for me.
Grief has robbed me of so much. Admittedly I have allowed it.
I have allowed grief to isolate me, and drag me into a black hole. I also use my grief to dive in and become completely immersed in to things like work and school. However, it is summer and it is my grieving season. Tax season ended and so did the spring semester. Summer holds little responsibility and too much time to think and dwell in dark places.
I know I don’t have a monopoly on tragedy however some days it feels like I do. It feels as if no one could ever understand the level of pain from not having Zachary.
Wishing I could connect the dots from here to him. . .


2 responses to “Disconnected

  1. Your way of sharing what you feel, what you write – stays with me. I come back and back to your posts. I think about what you say and what it costs you.

    Zachary comes back and back to my mind, too. So many things make me think about him – then immediately, about you. Your suffering is not forgotten in my heart.

    I feel disconnected, too – from a different vantage point, but that disconnection you wrote about is so familiar.

    And I never find any words, any words at all, that feel right in the face of what you’re forced to endure. How could there be any words. Nothing will do. Zachary is not here and nothing but him *here* could ever do.

    Zachary, you are missed and missed and always will be missed. Thinking of you again today. And your mother, always.


    • Thank you for your kind words. It helps to know others miss him also. Your comment sounds like you knew him well and know me also. If you aren’t comfortable putting your name out in public please send me an email at melissa81371@aol.com. I would really like to chat with you.


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