Grieving a child is a full-time job. You learn to work the rest of life into the schedule. However, it is very tricky. This full-time job does not give you a schedule, you are perpetually on-call. You never know when the tears will come or how long the sadness will last. You never lose the drive to keep saying your child’s name and keeping their memory alive. You never stopping thinking about what could have and should have been. This job is all consuming, and completely exhausting.
Today, Zachary should be celebrating his 26th birthday. Would he have been married by now, a father, the owner of his own tattoo shop?? Would he have been living close by or have moved miles from home? Would he have been happy or struggling through life?
In the full-time job of grieving a child, we must accept so many unanswered questions.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop the heart from asking them.
It doesn’t stop the heart from wishing things had been different.
We must accept that there is no retirement plan for this position.
Only a countdown of breaths until we are reunited with the child that went before us.