Just a Letter to my Boy

Dear Zachary,

Somehow I mistakenly thought that losing you was the end of trauma in my life. I now know there is no limit on bad things happening to a person.

Life is once again trying to drag me under. Please forgive me for the days I haven’t said your name out loud. It doesn’t mean I am not thinking of you.

You know I am a survivor and I will fight this battle until the bitter end. I don’t know what tomorrow may bring but I know I will handle it to the best of my ability.

If you have a way to pull any karmic strings for me please do, I am weary. The universe is proving to me what I said long ago–this world is just too mean for you to live in and that is way you had to go.

Love you forever,

Mom

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#TBT

Can I have a real throwback Thursday

Back before my child was gone

Back before my spouse was sick

Back before I traded thriving for surviving

Back before heartbreak

Back before Christmas became a nightmare

Back before these wounds that won’t heal

Back before . . .

Any Thursday will do

Doesn’t need to be a special day

Doesn’t need to be a holiday

Doesn’t need to be a good day

Doesn’t even need to be a Thursday

Just a day that had you in it

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Zachary Vaughn Gone, never forgotten

Standard Arrangements Just Won’t Do

Cemetery arrangements are pretty standard and they just won’t do. You were not standard; you, my boy, you were extraordinary.

We laid a stone with your name on it. You need art that represents you to decorate your stone; extraordinary art! This arrangement doesn’t come close but I will keep trying.

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In these flowers are Jack and Sally and the little ghost dog too. I know how much you loved that movie.

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I have ideas for decorations that don’t involve flowers. Flowers don’t make me think of you. Ravens, album covers, Spiderman, Gears of War, guitars, sheet music, kittens, Tripp pants, Waffle House, sushi, pirate hats; the list of things that remind me of you goes on endlessly it seems. But flowers are no where in that list. The next creation will be better. I’m trying to think outside of the box; think more like you. I’m not sure I am quite as creative as you were. But these decorations are made with all the love I have for you that doesn’t have anywhere else to go.